i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
