I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
