dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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