I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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