I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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