I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
