yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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