I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
