There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
