i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
