I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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