Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
