Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
