I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
