Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
did i walk over a car last night?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
