took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize