i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
