btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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