i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
