she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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