She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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