peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
