my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
