He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Terrible idea I love it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
