i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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