I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
They took my balls.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
