After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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