i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I look better un-naked...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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