MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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