The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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