sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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