So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So much rum. So many feels.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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