i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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