I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
