she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
