shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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