thus making me awesome and them whores
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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