Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
