the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
