Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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