Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
