is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You're like the curious george of whores
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
