I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
