Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
