Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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