I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
