Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
