...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
