she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
