does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
