then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
