In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
