Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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