first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
